Happy Birthday Eldean
Today is my son’s 21st birthday. As a mother would be, I’m so proud of the man he has become. We as parents like to think that we play a great role in our children becoming who they are but I have to wonderful how much credit I can take for that. My mother always said that good parents don’t make good kids and bad parents don’t make bad kids because the opposite has been proven time and time again. Bad parents end up with great kids, and good parents have kids who are off the rails.
So i guess i was just lucky to have a wonderful son who made choices that best suited him. Yes i taught him values and respect for himself and others, but as a mother, i had to make that decision to step back and let him own those qualities, as well as other qualities that i may not necessarily approve of. As a mother i can’t say that i allow him to be his own person and make his own decisions and then growl at him when he makes a decision that i don’t approve of.
As wonderful as being a parent is, its challenging to have to step back and watch your children become adults and make their own way in the world. We are needed less, and although I’m blessed that my son is my best friend in the world and he is generally a good kid, it is still challenging to let him live his own life and own path.
I’m writing this blog from New York and my son is in Australia for his birthday, so i wont see him till 2 days after his birthday. We talked about it and Im in New York to get exposure for my business and my dreams, and Eldean being as wonderful as he is, supported me being here and missing that day. Again as parents we feel guilty that we are not putting our kids first all the time, and this is the first time in my life that I did put my dreams first. I do feel guilty as hell, but a small tiny piece of my heart is smiling that I did what i had to do for me. Does that make me a bad mother? Or a bad person? I hope not, because when do we as adults, not just as parents, when do we get to be happy and follow our dreams? I’m interested in your feedback so please leave a comment or email me.
June 19th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Fist of all – I found your site from the LinkedIn Women for Hire group. I will have to say you are NOT a bad mother for thinking of yourself first. We sacrifice so much for our children. I missed my daughter’s 18th birthday because I chose to move away and make a life for myself. have I met a wonderful man and it was time to start thinking about me. My daughter was a senior in high school about to graduate and I finally found love. It only took 17 yrs! At first alot of people, including my daughter, questioned why I would leave her behind. I wasnt, I wanted her to come with me to a new city ( I moved from Minnesota to Boston), but she wanted to finish school with her friends and be with her boyfriend – that was her choice. My choice was to start MY life finally. I had made so many sacifices throughout her life and NEVER did anything for myself. The time had come. I kept seeing myself at home, alone, my daughter having moved on or out. If I didnt take this leap of faith when I had, I may still be in the same place I was then. I now am much better for it. I have a FABULOUS job that I LOVE! Making more money and being able to help with things financially, since now, my daughter will be having her first child – my grandson – any day now. I came from an abusive, almost deadly (as I almost died at the hands of my ex) relationship and many many years later, found someone to love me and help heal all of the pain. I never knew life could be this good! It took alot of years, of first figuring out who I was and then deciding what and who I wanted in my life. I am all for taking a negative and turning it into a positive.
June 24th, 2009 at 1:20 am
what a fabulous comment Lenore. Thank you so much. It sounds like you have a wonderful life now and im so happy for you. I would love for you to contact me via linked in so we can chat more. Im very interested in your journey and i think you could teach women alot about following their dreams and living their good life. You are definately an inspiration.