Not everyday is going to be great.  Not everyday your going to bounce out of bed and be so wonderfully happy that birds come and sit on your window sill.  There will be days when it takes all your energy just to keep going.  Some days you will be unhappy, angry, hurt, disappointed and confused.  Its ok to feel those days and honor yourself while in those moments.

I had one of those weeks.  I had placed my faith in someone who i thought would not let me down, and they did, badly.  Its hard to describe because its almost like im so hurt i can’t feel the hurt.  It’s like i have detached myself from it because the realisation that this happened to me would be too much for me to handle or even believe.

I have found that the best thing i have done for myself is give myself permission to be pissed.  Yes i said it.  Give yourself permission to be pissed off and stay in that space until you are ready to move on.  We are told as women that we should forgive and move on, and i agree with that completely.  But when i have been hurt, im gonna allow myself to wallow in that anger until im ready to move on.

It is also interesting that in my pissed off state, i have made some really good decisions.  I have cleaned my house and did so much washing, my son thought he walked into the wrong house.

Honor yourself enough to honor your feelings, whatever they may be.  There is always sunshine after rain, and rainbows, well we all know the better rainbows come after the biggest storms.

I  read somewhere to never underestimate the power of an extremely pissed off woman, Amen to that.  Now if you dont mind, i have a bathroom to scrub.

We all have bad day.  You know the ones, where you wonder what the point is.  You wonder why you have to stuggle and suffer.  You wonder what the lesson is your meant to learn, if you could get past the sadness to even consider thinking about something as big as the lesson.  For some of us, just getting through the day is lesson enough.

It is at those times when you really do learn that it is all about you.  It all starts and ends with you.  You may friends who comfort you with a few kind words, but they are so caught up with their own lives that even humoring you with comfort is a challenge.

On those days it is important to not look for the higher meaning, the lesson and the higher ground.  Be sad, be sorry for yourself, drag yourself around the house, and you know why.  Because once you have moved past those feelings, you move to a better place.  You move to anger.  Not so much as anger at the world, more at anger of needing people to lean on and when they disappoint you, you decide that you can do it.  Never underestimate the power of an expremely pissed off woman.

Once you have moved past sadness, its when you start to refocus and get things done.  You decide that if it has to be done, you will do it yourself.  You know you can’t rely on anyone so you step up to the plate and make the decision to do it yourself.  And its great because thats where the power comes from.

You find strength you didnt know you had, you find ideas that you wouldnt have otherwise had, you see options that earlier were not there and you draw on a deep seated, underlying strength that only women really tap into when they get to that really pissed off place.

We are reminded that nice girls dont get angry.  Hogwash.  Get angry. Hell, get mad.  You will get more done and achieve more than ever when your in that state.  Once you do reach your goals then you can calm down and be a happy little camper again. Until then, embrace your inner anger goddess.  She was put there for a reason.  The pissed off princess can be your friend.  Embrace her and see what you can achieve.

Yesterday was one such day for me.  I was sad, i was feeling down and wondering why I do what i do.  Is there any point to it all?  Calling on friends who didnt have time because of their own priorities and challenges and i felt unloved.  So i sat and thought about it, felt sorry for myself, ate some cookies and moped around.  But today i feel fabulous.  I have achieved so much so far and that is from the inner princess who is really pissed off.  I am angry i didnt take action earlier.  I try to be nice, be there for everyone and give to everyone. But you know some days you just have to give to yourself.  Stop thinking of everyone else and think about you. Its ok.  Its allowed. We women give to everyone else and when we are exhausted and have nothing left, we wonder why we feel so empty.  Ah well thats because we are empty.  we have nothing left for ourselves.  So stop.  Make today all about you.  Give yourself permission to be selfish. Enjoy.

When someone hurts you or lets you down, it is easy to stay in anger, resentment and wanting revenge.  We live it over and over again.  We even call in an audience by ringing our friends and family and telling them what this person did to us and how wronged we were.  That only fuels the anger and keeps you stuck.

Now im not saying its easy to forgive and i think the biggest misconception with forgiveness is that by forgiving someone, you are not saying that what they did was ok.  You are saying that you are no longer giving that person power over you and giving them your energy.

Most people think that to forgive means to say it was ok to be hurt.  No its just the opposite.  Because what you did was not ok, i will no longer give you the hold over me by what you have done.  You release the person so that your energy is not consumed with the act.  You are free to go about your day happy, and fulfil your dreams.

You learn from those past events and it makes you a little wiser the next time that situation shows up in your life.  Because whether we like to admit it or not, holding a grudge and being angry only hurts us not anyone else.  SO forgive, release and live your best.  Success is the best revenge after all. And a savvy sassy woman of the world knows that.

Your beliefs come from your past, your parents, grandparents, society, church, community.  Those beliefs are ingrained from an early age as to what you should believe, what you should do, what is acceptable and what is not.  They make up who you are.

But what happens as you get older and start to question those beliefs?  Especially the ones that dont sit well with you anymore.  How do you overcome the fear of rejection or recrimination of questioning, changing and following beliefs that now align with who you are and what you do in your life?

It is only when you question your beliefs and go deep into what they mean for you can you overcome, release or accept what is right for you.  There is no right and wrong.  You can belief one thing yesterday and something different tomorrow.  As adults we have the right to change our minds.  Yes ill say that again, as adults we have the right to change our minds.

Now some people may not be happy that you changed your mind but remember whos life it is that your living.

I wish everyone inspirations/motivation/success in their lives and in pursuing your dreams and goals.

I aksed women recently what they would like to change in their lives and why?  The answer i got were varied but alll had an underlying theme.  The common things were: having more time for themselves; balancing work/life responsibilities; finding a fulfilling and loving relationship and enjoying going to and being at work.

What i found that was interesting is that all of these issues could easily be overcome with a couple of changes.  The first being taking complete and absolute responsibility for the situations women found themselves in.  It is only when we own our stuff can we change it.  Most women wanted more time to exercise, have down time and stress free environments.  That got me wondering about how that would be achieved.

Well one would be saying NO.  Thank you for the offer but at this time i cannot or will not take on anymore tasks or activities.  This puts you in the drivers seat of your life.  It’s about having clear and well defined boundaries.

The other thing you can do is to make a commitment that no matter what, you will do what you need to or want to do.  If you want to exercise, you make the commitment that no matter what, you will get up and go for a walk for 30 minutes each morning.  When you take the option of doing it out of the picture, it becomes something that you do not put aside.

Most women said they did not have enough time for themselves.  The interesting thing is that if a loved one got sick and these women had to take a week off work to care for their spouse, child or immediate family member, they would find the time.  Its all about the priority you place on the situation.  Exercising may not be as important to you as caring for a sick child, but if you know your health is failing and that you are getting sicker and sicker, at some point you must become the priority.

So this week, make the commitment to do 1 thing each day that gets you closer to your goal. If its losing weight. Make the commitment to exercise everyday or 1 week.  You will feel better, have more energy, be able to think clearer, and generally be more fun to be around.

Make the commitment. Stick to it. Schedule it in.  Take responsibility for your life.

Let me know how you go with it.

Today is my son’s 21st birthday.  As a mother would be, I’m so proud of the man he has become.  We as parents like to think that we play a great role in our children becoming who they are but I have to wonderful how much credit I can take for that. My mother always said that good parents don’t make good kids and bad parents don’t make bad kids because the opposite has been proven time and time again.  Bad parents end up with great kids, and good parents have kids who are off the rails.

So i guess i was just lucky to have a wonderful son who made choices that best suited him. Yes i taught him values and respect for himself and others, but as a mother, i had to make that decision to step back and let him own those qualities, as well as other qualities that i may not necessarily approve of.  As a mother i can’t say that i allow him to be his own person and make his own decisions and then growl at him when he makes a decision that i don’t approve of.

As wonderful as being a parent is, its challenging to have to step back and watch your children become adults and make their own way in the world.  We are needed less, and although I’m blessed that my son is my best friend in the world and he is generally a good kid, it is still challenging to let him live his own life and own path.

I’m writing this blog from New York and my son is in Australia for his birthday, so i wont see him till 2 days after his birthday.  We talked about it and Im in New York to get exposure for my business and my dreams, and Eldean being as wonderful as he is, supported me being here and missing that day.  Again as parents we feel guilty that we are not putting our kids first all the time, and this is the first time in my life that I did put my dreams first.  I do feel guilty as hell, but a small tiny piece of my heart is smiling that I did what i had to do for me.  Does that make me a bad mother?  Or a bad person?  I hope not, because when do we as adults, not just as parents, when do we get to be happy and follow our dreams?  I’m interested in your feedback so please leave a comment or email me.

How often do we do things without even realising we are doing it?  You drive the same way to work everyday and have done for the past 3 years, or you stick to a style of jeans or a hair style because its comfortable and you know it well.  (more…)

The easiest way to get an answer to question is to ask yourself the right questions. Now that may seem a little strange, that by getting an answer to a question you have to ask a question, but the quality of your life will be determined by the quality of the questions you ask yourself.

Tony Robbins says that he is the question man, he loves asking questions because with them, everything becomes so clear. So if its good enough for Tony, why not us?

I think the most important question to start with is: Am I Happy? this opens a whole lot of avenues to go down. If no, try, Why am I not happy? What can i do to make myself happy today? What do i have in my control that will contribute to my everyday happiness? Am i expecting other people to make me happy? What do i have to change today to be truly happy?

The above questions are a good place to start. Happy questioning.

I acknowledge my elders and my old people, those who have gone before me to clear the path I walk today.

It is said that repetition is the mother of skill. And with that in mind, I thought that I would go back over some of the key areas that I have discussed and what I believe is needed to make progressive change in each of our lives.

Your life in this moment is yours to control, good or bad. It is wonderful however that we always have a choice. You may choose to:

1. Take Responsibility?- As James Allen says, “Circumstance does not make a man, it reveals him to himself’. The more you take responsibility for your life, the more you are able to change it. Responsibility is freedom and empowerment. Become conscious of the thoughts, feelings, beliefs and attitudes that are creating your world. Take responsibility for them and choose those that serve you and your world.?? When you are completely responsible, you can no longer blame anyone for your circumstances. With this comes complete freedom.
2. Gratitude -??Gratitude opens your heart and connects you and aligns your vibration to that which you feel grateful for and as such attracts more of the same into your life. It is a way to give (in its appreciation) and receive (by the opening and expansion of that giving). The more you value and appreciate something, the more there will be to value and appreciate.??
3. Trust?-?Trust takes you towards happy desired outcomes in a magical, effortless way. Trust yourself and your power as a creator. Trust the universe and the gifts it wishes to give and be open. Trust the doors that are opening and those that are closing. Give up control and allow yourself to be carried along the river of trust that will take you to your goals with grace and ease.??
4. Suspend judgment?-?Judging others or yourself lowers and constricts your energy and separates you from love, truth and joy. It is a way of making yourself superior and above another by making them ‘less than’ or ‘wrong’. It can be a way you deny your own self-judgments by projecting your guilt onto another. The more you love and accept yourself, the less you judge others. We all make mistakes. But we have to seek to forgive, love and understand both the one you are tempted to judge and any potential shadows within you that they are reflecting.??.??
5. Honor your emotions?-?Honor your emotions and listen to what they are telling you about what’s going on inside. If they are negative or uncomfortable what thoughts or beliefs are they pointing to that may need changing or aligning? Express and release your feelings rather than deny, repress, control or judge them. This doesn’t mean wallowing in them or giving them lots of attention if they do not serve you (i.e. nip that self-pity in the bud!), nor does it mean venting at someone inappropriately (writing a letter and burning it would be far better, or yell into a pillow). Honor your emotions by accepting them and allowing them to be released.??
6. Know you are loved?-?You are loved totally and unconditionally by the source of creation, whatever that may be for you. There is nothing you need do to win that love and nothing you can do to lose it. Becoming aware of this truth connects you to your inherent value, increases your sense worth and deserving, heals pain of separation and loneliness and opens you to the love that is there for you in every moment.??
7. Forgive yourself and others?-?Forgiveness of self and others is the ultimate mind-body-soul, spirit detox. It liberates you from whole clusters of toxic emotions and sets you free from draining attachments. It can also set you free from feelings of guilt, shame and undeserving that block you from happiness and success. In forgiving another you are also forgiving yourself. It is an incredibly powerful force for healing and transformation and a most gracious gift you can give yourself and another.??
8. Have fun?-?Fun will attract success into your life like iron filings to a magnet. It is the antidote to stress, struggle, worry and seriousness. When you are having fun you are open and sharing of who you are and ride on the current of spontaneity and joy. What brings you fun, happiness and joy? Commit to more of it in all areas of your life. Jump in puddles, play music and sing loudly off key with a hairbrush as your microphone! It is so good for the soul.
9. Take Action – You must take action everyday. It is not enough to know, you must do. With each journey there must be a first step. From that first step comes momentum.

I guarantee if you do one or more of these everyday, you will see a remarkable change in your life and your outlook.

Karen Demmery is a Wirdajuri woman born in Dubbo NSW. Karen is a trainer/facilitator and Australia’s first Aboriginal transformational speaker and coach. Karen is a regular contributor to several Australian and International blog sites. Visit www.karendemmery.com.au or email Karen.demmery@live.com.au

I acknowledge my elders who have gone before me to clear the path I walk today.

Someone asked this week “what would you do if you knew you could not fail”? It’s an interesting question and one I’m sure you have thought about. If you have never thought about it then go ahead and take 5 minutes now or after you read this to imagine if you would undertake something new or different.

I’m not sure I would like those odds personally. Attempting something new or otherwise without the chance of failure does not seem worth it. It is that very chance that you may fail that makes it all worthwhile.

Where would the glory be in that? Would all your hard work really be that satisfying if you knew that at the end it was all going to turn out exactly as you wanted it and easily at that?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not a big fan of failure and lord knows I have had my fair share of failure, but I have to tell you that I would not be who I am today or where I am today without those mess ups, failures and total disasters that were and sometimes still are, my life.

You learn more from what goes wrong than what goes right, because when its smooth sailing its so easy, where is the learning in that? How do you know what you are capable of handling if you have never been put in a situation where you have to step up, and think fast or leap out of your comfort zone.

I also don’t think that people would accomplish anything more than they have already if there was no option of failure. I don’t believe that the option of failure is the reason that people don’t’ attempt new tasks or activities.

Ask almost anyone and they will tell you that fear is the reason they do not undertake new activities or follow their dreams. When you dig a little deeper, usually you will find that those very same people who are in fear, are not in fear of failing, they are afraid of success.

Afraid of Success? That does not sound right to me. Are we so used to being where we are that the idea of having or being more is so scary that we would rather stay where we are and be comfortable.

There are a lot of things to be afraid of. Spiders, snakes, people with loaded guns, old men in hats driving Volvos (even yellow straws) but success should not be one of them.

I sit and wonder where we as a race of people are going. In our country we are forever behind the 8 ball and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better the more we rely on the government to help us. And yes I know the government has a lot to answer for. On every page of this paper you can read about how bad things are for us. But if we wait on the government to fix our lives and bring us the success we want, will it ever arrive? How long will we have to wait?

I don’t see myself as a brave person at all. When we are born the only 2 things we are afraid of is falling and loud noises, every other fear is learned. Now I can understand fear of old men in Volvos cause I’ve nearly been run over by them myself, but where did we learn to be so afraid? Was that a part of our cultural past?

Try to imagine for one moment walking across your country at night and knowing exactly every single blade of grass and tree. Now imagine that one night you walk across that same land but there is a large wire fence that stops you from moving forward. Our elders lived that kind of change and I’m sure fear came with that, I know I would have been afraid. Considering our ancestors would not have known what a fence was or where it came from.

What would they have done in that situation? How would they have handled it? We are living proof they did not pack up and run away. They rose to the occasion and faced it. I’m pretty sure they would have been afraid at some point.

I live my life in the hope that I make my old people proud of me. My aunties and grandparents who have passed were proud people, who lived hard and determined lives everyday. I have no right to sit back and complain and not be everything I can be. I have no right to let fear of failure or success be the reason that I do not step out and learn, and experience, and succeed or fail.

When I am gone, what will I have left behind for my son? Will he say that I was one woman who tried everything and got back up every time she fell or got knocked down by life’s trials and the big pot holes in the road of life. The answer is yes. Is your answer yes or no?

As a woman I have to overcome the fear that stands in my way everyday because I’m raising the future of our culture and its generations. As parents, that is what we have to do, whether we like it or not.

How can we tell our kids not to be afraid of the dark when we won’t walk around with the light out? How can we tell our grandchild that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up if we as grown ups are not everything we want to be?

What legacy are you leaving your children and grandchildren? One based on the fear of being all they can be or one based on a life full of success?

Usually your greatest successes come from your biggest failures, which sounds so ridiculous that it makes no sense, but it does.

If you must be afraid of something, make it snakes or spiders but not success or failure. The sting of those bites may never heal.