LET GO

You know that you should let go and move on. Every ounce of your body tells you the pain and suffering is not worth it and if you just move on it will all be over. The sun will shine again and the night will be gone. But if only it was that easy!

If I could walk away I would. If I could let go I would. If I could never think another thought or dream another dream about my personal nightmare then I would happily let it be so.

The birds seem to know the pain I suffer. They seem to sit and stare silently at me with an expression of hopeless pity and recognisable pain. Is it just me or does everything seem dull and lifeless?

Is the air a little thicker around me or is it just that my lungs are in too much pain to operate effectively? Why is it so difficult? When does it get better? Does it get any easier? If so, when and how?

I wished I could curl up in a ball and stay there but I am afraid if I lay down and close my eyes the images will come again and haunt me, taunt me, torture me.

The endless stream of tears that stain my heart show no sign of easing, despite my best efforts of begging and pleading. Does anyone hear me? Am I the only person alone on this planet right now? It feels that way. Although I could be surrounded by a million people and still be so alone it could crush me.

I don’t know what is worse, the numbness that has set in and replaced the pain, or the searing pain that enabled me to feel before the numbness took over my body. I’m sure my feet are moving one in front of the other but I cannot feel them so I can’t be sure. I have not fallen yet so it must be happening automatically. Am I moving or am I standing still? Everything is moving but I am not certain if it is me that is spinning out of control or the world around me.

Thankfully my heart beats automatically. I could not muster the energy to help it beat if it was up to me. The nauseous rumbles in the pit of my stomach as a reminder that I have not eaten in days. It embraces my insides and adds to the suffering that continues in my mind and heart. Why should I not suffer in every organ of my body, it could feel no worse than it does right now.

Death must be painful, for the pain that shivers through my being begs me to release it.

I give in to it. I give up. I can fight no longer. I do not have the strength. I surrender. I lay weeping on the floor. Then it happens.

I feel the soft glow on my shoulder. I wonder if I have indeed gone to heaven. The pain is replaced by the warmth of the brilliance that is all around me. I am calm. I am peaceful. I see the light shining. I see the angel awakening me, and embracing me. It is finally over.

YOU PROMISED

You promised you would stay until the sun rose but its still dark outside.

You promised you would nourish me but I am still so hungry inside.

You promised you would teach me but there is still so much I have to learn.

You promised you would shelter me but the winds of time are blowing over me.

Did you not mean the promises you made? Did you heart not beat in time with mine? We were not sharing the same space for what was suppose to be eternity?

Why did you promise what you could not deliver? I have given you all that I had to offer. Why was that not enough for you?

You promised you would not leave me but now I am all alone.